Until I Make You Smile
by Gothica13
Summary: From 'Aftershock', the scene where Raven and Terra fight each other, and then the story follows from there. Raven doesn't know why she feels so sorry for Beast Boy, but she does. Raven's POV. One-shot. Not too much Terra bashing. *REWROTE


REWROTE: WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS 13, REWROTE AND EDITED IT A BIT, OK, WELL A _LOT_. OKAY, BASICALLY, I DELETED THE WHOLE THING AND WROTE FROM THERE. THIS IS FROM THE SCENE IN 'AFTERSHOCK' WHEN RAVEN AND TERRA BATTLED EACH OTHER. AND THEN THE STORY FOLLOWS THEM INTO THAT TUNNEL AT THE END OF THE EPISODE. RAVEN'S POV.

"You know Raven, I never liked you." Terra said, smiling with a that famous devilish grin.

"I never wanted to _know_ you." I exclaimed. It wasn't the best comeback, but I wanted to make it perfectly clear that while she may have put on an act, I was putting on one as _well_ during her stay at Titan's Tower. Of course, I then actually _started_ to like her, and that's when she betrayed us. "You may have fooled the others, but I always knew you were a liar."

"Oh, really?" She questioned in that irritating tone, as if she was high school mean girl, about to call me fat. "Is that why you let me live in your _house_ and _steal_ all your secrets? And-"

"Shut up!" I shouted as I used my energy to raised the mud into a wave, trying to crush you little body. However, Slade had trained her well, and with that stupid suit as well, she was able to block my attack and used the mud surrounding her to make an attack on me. I tried to make a shield, but the mud just curved around it and I was smash-up against the ground. I could feel my anger, my Rage, trying to creep its way out.

_Don't listen to her, don't listen to her, whatever you do, don't listen to her,_ I kept saying inside of my head.

"Ah, you're not getting mad Rae? Oh, better be careful, Beast Boy told me all about your temper tantrums." Terra said. Temper tantrums? Not only does she bring Beast Boy into this all of a sudden, but she insults me as well as if I was a three-year old.

"Anger is pointless," I said cooly. "My emotions are under control."

"Nah, nah, nah, anger is pointless," Terra said, mimicking my face in a ball of mud, and that's when I had gotten mad. "And you're calling me a liar?" I tried to attacked her head-on, stupid move, I know, but I just wanted to grabbed that blond hair of hers and throw it across the room, but she grabbed me with that arm made of mud.

How did it get to this? I knew, I _knew_ she was trouble, but for the sake of everyone and myself's sanity, I _learned_ to get along with her. I _learned_ to have patience with a girl who after everything she ran away from us over a small misunderstanding (I knew her powers were uncontrollable before Robin did, but it wasn't that hard to figure quite frankly), I _learned_ to let go of my anger the first time she left us, which not only upset my friends, but poor Beast Boy.

But there was this small part of me that wanted to be wrong. Just a small part. I thought maybe I am just the gloom and doom girl, and that _I_ was the one who was overreacting. But I wasn't. I would've let Robin know what was up, I would've made Starfire watch her as they went shopping together, I would've had Cyborg put a tracking device on her, and I would've warned Beast Boy-I did, but I would've continued to warned Beast Boy about many things, that more then anything was to let him being wary of falling for this girl. Poor kid, it was the first time I saw him go into a deep depression after Terra left the first time, and now, I don't know what.

"So what's the worst part?" She said, walking over to me. My Rage was clawing its way out of its hiding place, and trying to overtake my body. "That I came into your home? That I wiped out you and your little friends? That everyone liked _me_ better than _you_?"

"Stop it!" I shouted, more towards my inner Rage then to Terra herself. That last part really hurt me, and probably the major reason why I continued to be cautious around this girl.

"Or was it that deep down inside you really _thought_ I was your friend?" That is when I couldn't hide my anger anymore, and Rage consumed me.

I don't know what Robin thought was going to happen if anyone of us found Terra, he said we would deal with her later, but he probably wanted us to console with her _peacefully_ rather than call her a 'witch' and downright attack her on sight. Besides my own inner demons, the anger and fear I have towards my father, _and_ the mild irritation I have with any criminal I meet, Terra might be the first girl I have downright _hated, _to the point now that I have thrown all logical reasoning. The second I saw her, I wanted her blood, but probably would have just put her jail in the end. Hell, I wasn't even afraid to tell Beast Boy that she was _evil_, and that was certainly a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

"I trusted you," Rage said, with Terra thinking it was I. "We trusted you." Rage was throwing everything at Terra, pipes, rocks, rails to choke her, or the water filter snatched off from the side. The beautiful display of black energy around the building was causing the building to crumbled from the inside out. "We gave you everything and you treated us like dirt."

Terra then trapped herself in a corner, and I thought I had her within my reach, but just then she had her mud arms grabbed me once again. It took about eight of those giant boulders to try to contained me. I allowed my Rage to get the better of me, and in response, it not only failed me, but I was disappointed in myself. If I had won, I would've made excuses for my Rage, insisting my friends that I did it on purpose, to help our team. But that's not why Rage was unleashed. Rage came out, because I was _fucking_ pissed off with the girl standing before me and _that's all_.

As my eyes went back to normal, I went under the mud and fell unconscious from the lack of air. Why didn't she just kill me? Or did she believed that she did? Why have me defeated, but still alive, when it would only be her downfall in the end for not killing me? If she thought she did kill me, she's not a very bright person.

* * *

I woke up, healed myself a bit, and made my way to the city's tunnels, as it was an underground passageway that would lead us to the Tower and where we all could retreat safely. As I began making my way in the wet, cold, and dark halls, with the sound of water dripping echoing throughout it's shell, I could sense someone else, someone in pain.

"Starfire." I whispered to myself, before I teleported over to end of the tunnel on the East side, where it was overlooking the ocean.

Starfire was limping her way along the concrete walls, and as soon as she saw me, she hugged me tightly, glad that I was alive, I guess. I don't know, sometimes Starfire is just emotional like that. I noticed part of her head was bleeding, and I motioned for her to let go, before I gently put my hands on her head, allowing my dark energy to surround her.

"Oh, thank you, Raven. I am glad you are alright." She said, shaking a bit from the heat of the battle she had just been in before climbing into the tunnels.

"Who said I was alright?" I told her. We began making our way back to the central tunnels, with Starfire lighting the way with her starbolts.

After walking a few miles in the tunnel, I could sense others up ahead.

"Alright, stop right there and tell us who you are!?" I could hear Cyborg's voiced echo throughout the sewers.

"It is only I, Starfire! And Raven!" Starfire cried out, I could her Cyborg lowering his sonic arm. She put her star bolt up against him and we could see part of his cyborg bits were a little cracked and sparking out static.

I could hear the familiar sound of Beast Boy changing his animal form. I looked around to see where he was, but even with my good eyesight, he wasn't anywhere near me.

"So, where's Robin?" Cyborg asked.

"He's the only one left, I believe." Starfire said. "Probably trying to take her head-on, for my sake. She had pushed me, and I could hear him screaming. I hope he does not get angry and try to defeat her by himself. It is unwise, as she is too powerful." Those words rang in my ear. Oh, Starfire, sometimes your simple ways are really the best. How foolish I was, but I was just mad at the time.

"We need to take a left up here." I said, trying to get everyone back on track and make our way to our beloved Tower. "I'll send Robin a message, telling him Starfire's safe. We'll regroup at the Tower. Where's Beast Boy?" I casually asked, but I knew it sounded desperate. Why I always care about what that little grass stain is doing is beyond me. But I felt...I felt sorry for him. No, sorry wasn't the right word.

"Here, Raven." He said as he came up to the light. Besides a few bruises here or there, the only thing this boy had gotten beaten up was his heart. I could tell.

Starfire led the way, as I allowed myself to trail behind Cyborg and stay near Beast Boy. For a few minutes, we didn't say anything. I looked his way, but looked back when he turned his head. And I assumed he would turn his head when I started to stare at him for very long, but quickly turned my head before he could see. I don't know why we were doing that, I guess because we had gotten in a fight earlier today. I am probably the last person he is thinking now, but why do I care if he doesn't approved of me saying Terra was evil? I shouldn't, but I do.

"I'm sorry." I decided to finally say.

"For what?"

"For saying that Terra was evil earlier today." I said. "I know she isn't _evil_, that's a little mean, she's just decided to switch sides for whatever reason."

"She told me that she believes she had no choice, but to choose the side she chose." He said, just looking forward ahead as we continued our conversation.

"Really?" I asked. "What does she mean? Is Slade secretly her father?" It was the only explanation, after all, some of _us_ have Demonic fathers.

"I don't want to talk about it right now." He said rather harshly, trying to put some distance between me and him.

I don't get it, we used to be close, or rather, _he_ used to be close to me, always wanting my attention for this and that, or that and this. Huh, now that I think of it, he would always have my non-existent attention until...until Terra showed up. And then it was all about her and I wouldn't have to worry as much as him trying to tell me some stupid joke. But, I don't know, I kind of missed his annoying attempts to tell stupid jokes. I don't know why though. Maybe it's because I feel sorry for him now. But 'sorry' is not the right word.

"Well, at least you know where she stands now."

"Whatever." He scowled. Whatever? He never says whatever to...well to _me_ in that voice. Why does he have an attitude suddenly?

After we walked a few more minutes, I wanted to get back on his good side, to make him feel better and said, "You know, it's not your fault."

"Hmm." Was all he could say. After we walked again for _another_ few more yards he asked, "Why do you care? You were right. You knew from the start she was bad, and you were right. It's just that love blinded me to go up against you."

"Love?" I asked, since this was a surprised to me. I thought he had a little crush on her, not being full-blown in love. Or maybe he thought he was in love. Did he even know what love was? I mean, I didn't, but that's because I didn't grow up under the best circumstances. To me, my team is my home and family, and I guess I love them all, but Beast Boy is talking about a different type of love. "Do you...love her? Still?"

"I don't want to talk about it." He said, trying to walk faster than me again, as I can sense him getting uncomfortable with the conversations.

However, Cyborg asked him to stay in the back with me, in order to covered everyone's back while Cyborg and Starfire could attack from the front end. He trailed back with me, a little frustrated.

During his silent mood, I decided to contact Robin and let him know Starfire was alright, but I know he probably was already getting his revenge right now. With _her_.

"How do you deal with it?" Beast Boy asked me out of the blue.

"Deal with what?"

"Not feeling...well...not feeling anything. Feeling nothing inside. Doesn't that drive you crazy?"

He was not fucking around; this was a genuine deep question submitted to me by Beast Boy, the clown of the group, Beast Boy, the little tofu eating hippy, Beast Boy, the only person who wants to try to make me laugh even when I give him the cold shoulder.

"I have feelings, I just...I just don't express them as everyone else does." I said, looking back to him. "That's how I control my powers."

"But, don't you get numb from resisting to feel?"

"Sometimes." I answered honestly, his eyes only looked down. "But if I don't, then things go crazy. I must control my emotions. I could give in a little, if I only to expressed it on the inside and meditate afterwards. Why are you asking?"

"Because...I feel...oh, nevermind. Forget it. But what do you mean by expressing it on the inside?"

We were getting off topic from Terra, but maybe that was a good thing. A healthy thing. We were almost out of the tunnels, making our way back to the Tower. I could humor him for a while, only to make him feel better and get his head back in the game.

"Well, take such as, your jokes," I said. "Sometimes... sometimes they are funny." I lied.

"What?" He asked. "Really? But...but why don't you laugh or smile or anything?" Stopping me with his hands, holding me back, and looking into my eyes as I looked into his. It was the first time I saw them looked into mine tonight. Cyborg and Star continued to walk without us, if only a little slower so we could catch up with them.

"Because," I said, trying to find a way out of this. "Because, I hide those emotions for good reasons. One, to make you look stupid, and two...well two, because I don't want to show my vulnerable side, for fear of it being exploited. Terra mentioned that to me. Apparently you tell her about my 'temper tantrums', and she used that to her advantage." Fuck, why couldn't I have used that example? It was so much better than 'your jokes are funny', because I don't want to admit to that, due to the fact it isn't true.

"I didn't think about that. Oh, the things I probably have told her...and she has used it against us. Against all of us. Oh, I'm sorry Rae." Oh, the infamous 'Rae' nickname. I'm okay with Cyborg saying it, but something about Beast Boy calling me 'Rae', was just a little weird. Well, not weird. Comforting. Like he welcomes me into his world, even when I shun away his good intentions. "But wait, you said you think I am funny?" Oh great, he remembered.

"Now, I _didn't_ say that, I just said that _sometimes_ your jokes are funny." I said, however I didn't feel so guilty lying to him, saying that his jokes were funny. I mean, come on, they aren't masterpieces, but sometimes he says something that is _so_ stupid, it just _becomes_ funny on its own. I guess I'm not really lying about it after all, but just misleading him to believe I am laughing _with_ him rather than _at_ him. "99 times out of hundred, your jokes are as about as humourous as a box of rocks."

"So one out of hundred? That's not bad odds." He said. "Okay, if I tell about hundred jokes right now, you'll laugh at least one of them." Oh, for the love of Azarath, what did I get myself into?

Or maybe...maybe this is a good thing. Yes, this is a good thing. Probably he'll forget about Terra for a while and everything will feel normal. He, giving me all this attention, and me, well, I don't play a very a big role in his act, but to just make fun of him. But he likes trying to annoy me, and I don't know why. In fact, I don't know why I care if he should feel better _at all _or not, I mean, he fell in love with Terra. A girl _I warned_ him about and still he went off...I mean he claimed he knew what he was doing and we didn't know what she is really like.

"Hey, Beast Boy, Raven!" Cyborg yelled out. "Hurry up, we need to get to the Tower!"

That small moment of reality caused Beast Boy to let go of my hands, started to walk again, and going back to his zombie mood, and he didn't respond well to human interaction. So, basically me on any given day. Oh, so that's _why_ he asked how I dealt with my emotions, he's trying to resist them himself so he doesn't get overwhelmed.

"You heard Cyborg." He said somberly, as if he was actually happy for a moment that he forgot about Terra.

Why do I feel so awful? How come I am devastated that he just walked away from his chance to do what he does best, or lack of, as a better way of phrasing it? Sure, I wanted to make my friend feel better, but why do I feel so bad? I didn't date Terra, and yet I feel just like he does now. Or do I?

I remember what he had said earlier in the morning today, before Terra showed up. We were driving in Cyborg's car, just trying to have a day off in our city. Beast Boy was trying to tell a joke, but failed, as always, with my comebacks and lack of enthusiasm. But he said he wasn't going to give up telling bad jokes until he makes me smile. And I'm just his gloomy friend! Imagine how much he admired Terra if he was actually in love with her.

I can't pretend I know what he is going through, I'll probably never will. The only social life I have, besides my team, is my books. The only way I could find a guy would be if he lived in my books. However, I could try to be his friend and just allow him to follow me around more than usual, so he could get over Terra faster.

He likes to torment me, and I could take it or leave, although I rather him leave me alone. But I feel sorry for him. No, sorry isn't the word, but I don't know the right word. I don't know if he'll ever get over Terra. When Beast Boy is passionate about something, it never goes away. He was passionate about Terra, but now she's gone.

I don't know why I feel this way. I don't know what I feel. But Beast Boy is my friend, and I want to protect my friends from harm.

THE END

LOVELY, MUCH BETTER THEN BEFORE. SORRY, ONE-SHOT ONLY, GO READ 'AND HER WHITE CLOAK FADED' IF YOU WANT A BIGGER STORY ABOUT RAE AND BB.

DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER THAT EPISODE? EVEN IF TERRA WAS BEING CONTROLLED BY SLADE, SHE STILL WAS A BIT OF BITCH, WHICH IS WHY IT'S EASY TO HATE HER AS A BB/RAE FAN, BUT I'VE LEARNED TO ACCEPT THAT HER STORY PLOT WAS RUSHED AND SHE JUST TURNED INTO A MARY-SUE FOR ME.


End file.
